They’re not all mind-blowing

Hey, ladies, do you love giving your guy blowjobs? Or do you dread doing it? Overall men love receiving oral pleasure, but it’s not all good. Some women take too much of their time with foreplay, and he loses his mood. Some ladies just hate doing it so much that they make a show of their disdain instead of actually pleasuring their guy. Some women are just pretty darn good at it whether they like doing it or not. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, here’s what guys hate about getting blown.

All the Excuses

There’s really nothing more tragic than a bad blowjob. There are a lot of reasons it could be bad but, in the moment, the realization that you’d rather be changing your oil than receiving the blow job that’s being thrust upon you is enough to make you question your whole life, your sexual orientation, whether you left the stove on, everything really. (Mark)

Teeth Off

Usually when it’s bad, bad, bad it’s related to teeth being used. I’m not sure how a girl can’t tell when she’s banging her teeth with some d**k, I’m really not. I mean, you brush your teeth, right? You know when the brush is hitting your teeth, you can feel it. I don’t understand this. (Scott)

Tight Mouth

I’ve only had one blowjob that I would say was terrible and it was because she had a tiny, elfin mouth. Like, I had soooo many fantasies about that cute mouth and when the moment came it was like sticking my d**k in a pencil sharpener. (Isaiah)

Too Much Eye Contact

It never fails, girls who say they love giving head the most are always the worst at it. In my experience, the ones that don’t like it have learned how to get it over with quickly but girls who ‘love it’ just like lick on it and stare at you. Please don’t just stare at me and lick my d**k. This isn’t a staring contest. (Marvin)

Don’t Stop

Some blowjobs hurt but some have just been annoying. I hooked up with one girl who was obsessed with not getting hair in her mouth and would stop every few seconds to like make sure there wasn’t any getting in there.

I’m like, my genitals are mostly covered in hair, maybe it’s the male body you actually don’t like. Anyway, a blowjob has to have flow and stopping every few seconds to sort of complain about hair destroys the experience. (Josh)

Knowing How

A lot of girls do not understand how a penis works at all. They don’t know where it’s sensitive or where it isn’t sensitive. I’ve had a few girls just lick my shaft over and over and then look at me and ask ‘do you like that?’

I mean, no, you aren’t doing anything that feels particularly good. This woman was literally 30 years old. There’s no hope for her ever being good at it. (Bret)

Just Swallow

Okay, I’m going to give your readers the real deal. Ladies, if you don’t swallow or do something dirty with the cum then we’re going to be disappointed. Jacking us off in your hand or on our own stomachs after a joyous blowjob is just about the most high school thing ever. (David)

Take My Advice

I don’t mean to be mean because I will always appreciate a girl being willing to blow me but there have been a few that were really ruined by the girl absolutely not listening to what I said I liked and I don’t even mean anything weird. I just mean basic stuff like ‘use your hands.’ (Nathan)

She Insisted

I dated one girl for a few months and the first time she gave me head I literally wondered if she’d ever done it before. I understand first times are always nervous so I thought things would get better. They never did. She insisted on always doing this stupid thing where she’d poke the inside of her cheek with my d**k.

I guess this was supposed to be a visual thing but it didn’t do anything for me and she refused to stop doing it. It was like she was more interested in posing with my d**k for some nonexistent camera than actually getting me off. (Rob)

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Original by Emily Hingle