Is there some sort of rule that you have to be a huge weirdo to be a celebrity? Like how Tom Brady makes out with kids, Quentin Tarantino wrote a four hour long movie framed around taking as many shots of Uma Thurman barefoot as possible and Angelina Jolie… does everything Angelina Jolie does, I don’t have time to unpack that, global warming will kill us all before anyone gets to the end of the list.

Well, add Armie Hammer to the list because he let his 2-year-old suck his toes for like… way too long.

Actor Armie Hammer has been receiving backlash after he shared a video of his son sucking on his toe to his Instagram Stories. pic.twitter.com/MAvgWZfl6O

— Film Updates (@FilmUpdates) July 27, 2019

This is just… seven minutes? Really? This is like the toe version of Olivia Jaimes’ first Nancy strip.

Nancy goes IN on that cornbread and the cartoon world is rocked. pic.twitter.com/70WFT94MyT

— Bruce Townley (@Steambrew) May 3, 2018

He is going IN on those toes!

I mean, this is one way to get people to stop coming up to you on the street and saying “hey, aren’t you the guy who ate the cum peach?” but I feel like “aren’t you the guy who lets his toddler suck on his toes for seven minutes?” isn’t exactly a step forward.

I get it, toddlers are weird little idiots who put things in their mouth, but when they start putting your toe in their mouth, doesn’t a normal person say “hey, cut that out you little weirdo” after like, 2-3 seconds max?

Armie needs to get some help from Jason Biggs, I think. We hardly ever talk about how he fucked a pie anymore, just about how he got squeezed out of Orange is the New Black.