If you’ve been watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, you’re well aware that ex-cast member Brandi Glanville’s alleged affair with Denise Richards was the only plotline in an otherwise dry-ass season. What else did those 20 episodes provide? Kyle Richards‘ caftan line? Lisa Rinna not knowing the meaning of the word “gaslighting”? Dorit Kemsley perplexingly redecorating one single room at a Buca di Beppo?

The recently departed Denise, who’s married to modern-day Karen Silkwood, Aaron Phypers, has, of course, denied everything, even sending Brandi and the other Housewives cease and desists. But that hasn’t stopped our trout-lipped Slut for Drama® from continuing to spill the deets to anyone with ears. “Phew”, replied snakes and squids.

Brandi told DailyMail TV that she and Denise were initially introduced by their shared agent

“We went to dinner and Denise is sitting across from me and the whole time she is looking at my boobs,” she alleged. “Then our agent left because it was getting late for him, but we stayed because we were having a great time, we were hitting it off.”

She continued, “And then Denise said to me, ‘Oh my God, does it seem like I’ve been looking at your boobs all night?’ I’m like, ‘Yeah, pretty much.’”

Denise then told Brandi that she was thinking of getting a boob job, and would love to get a better look at the work Brandi had done. What a move!

“We went into the bathroom and I showed her my boobs and right when I took my shirt down,” Glanville alleged. “She just kind of threw me against the wall and started making out with me.”

Glanville said she “was down for it” and “honestly didn’t mind” the kissing. “We were drunk and it’s not the first time I’ve made out with a friend or a girl,” she said. “I was flattered, it was a compliment. She’s a beautiful girl. She’s Denise Richards.”

After going back to the table for more drinks (wait, alcohol was involved?!), they went back to the bathroom for more making out and “titty sucking”.  Before they left, Denise asked Brandi not to tell anybody about their hook up. After that, Brandi says Denise texted her non-stop, wanting to “finish what she started”. These are allegedly the texts Brandi showed the other Housewives at Teddi Mellencamp’s surprise baby shower at Dorit’s Buca di Bepo “Capri Room” (sigh, how did these women become my priorities?).

Brandi says she eventually went out with Denise and her husband to film a scene for The Real Housewives, and the conversation turned to threesomes:

“They got on the subject of how do they get other women to come into their marriage and into their bed? They asked if I could help them? And I’m like, ‘Um, call Charlie Sheen.’”

“All night we talked about sex and how [Phypers] was okay as long as she was with a girl, she could never be with a guy,” Glanville claimed. “It was an interesting conversation and it just made me feel like, ‘Okay, these are very sexual people that are very open.’”

Brandi says she and Denise finally hooked up again when she joined her on a trip to Mendocino, California, where Denise was filming a movie with actor Patrick Muldoon. Patrick allegedly knew all about the affair, even asking Brandi about on a podcast they recorded together.

But after they had sex, Denise went into full denial mode:

“I felt she wanted to hit it and quit it,” Glanville claimed. “She was very sexually aggressive and once she got what she wanted, she didn’t want to know.”

“I really didn’t think it was going to be as huge as it is,” Glanville concluded of the aftermath of the alleged tryst. “It’s literally everywhere.”

Um, here’s where I shoot Ms. Glanville “gimme a fucking break” eyes. Brandi’s been blabbing details of the alleged affair all over Bravo, podcasts, interviews, tabloids, even her Cameos. Of course, it’s everywhere! That was her 2020 New Years resolution. Well, that and “replace all blood with Juvéderm”.